JUS NFL BLOG 9/21: 49ERS CRUSH THE DOLPHINS, ZAK KEEPS IT ROLLING

The final score says the 49ers destroyed the Dolphins.

35-13.

And they did.

But if you actually watched the first half, it was a lot more competitive than that score makes it look.

Miami moved the ball.

They put together a couple of pretty impressive drives.

And for a little while, the 49ers defense looked just shaky enough to make you wonder if this was going to turn into one of those games where San Francisco lets somebody hang around way longer than they should.

But both of those Miami drives ended the same way.

Field goal.

Field goal.

That’s it.

The Dolphins got into scoring position twice in the first half and came away with six points.

Meanwhile, the 49ers went into halftime up 14-6.

Then the second half started.

And the game ended.

Not technically.

But basically.

THE 49ERS JUST TOOK OVER

San Francisco scored three touchdowns in the third quarter.

George Kittle.

Kyle Juszczyk.

Christian McCaffrey.

By the end of the quarter it was 35-6, and the Dolphins were officially looking for the airport.

Miami added a late touchdown with 2:41 remaining to make the final score 35-13, but by then nobody at Levi’s Stadium was worried about anything except traffic.

The 49ers are 2-0.

They beat the Rams 27-7.

Then they beat Miami 35-13.

That’s a combined score of:

62-20.

Not bad.

BROCK PURDY LOOKED RIDICULOUS

Purdy went:

20-of-22.

287 yards.

Two passing touchdowns.

No interceptions.

And he ran for another touchdown.

That’s a 90.9% completion percentage.

At one point I think the only way the Dolphins were going to stop him was if somebody unplugged his controller.

He looked completely comfortable.

Decisive.

Accurate.

Everybody on the offense looked comfortable.

Kittle looked great.

McCaffrey scored twice.

Juszczyk scored.

The offense moved the ball basically whenever it felt like moving the ball.

Very Unjacked.

Now, before the season, Dave Portnoy did his Top 10 quarterbacks list and, unless I’m remembering this wrong, Brock Purdy wasn’t on it.

Dave may want to revisit that one.

Because through two games Purdy has looked like a quarterback who is getting very tired of everyone explaining why he isn’t actually that good.

AND NOW WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE DOLPHINS

I have a friend named Zak.

I’ve known him since high school.

We grew up in Sunnyvale.

Bay Area.

49ers country.

Giants country.

Warriors country.

Sharks country if you felt like suffering during hockey season.

Normal stuff.

Zak?

Miami Dolphins fan.

Nobody knows why.

He didn’t grow up in Miami.

He doesn’t have some deep family connection to South Florida.

As far as I know, Dan Marino never rescued him from a burning building.

He just decided at some point that the Miami Dolphins were his team.

And then stuck with them.

For decades.

You have to respect that.

Because this is not somebody who jumped onto a dynasty.

This man chose a team that has spent most of his adult life finding increasingly creative ways to disappoint him.

And he stayed.

Maybe he just likes dolphins.

I like dolphins too.

They’re pretty cool.

But I’m a normal person, so my sports teams are connected to where I grew up.

Zak apparently saw an aquatic mammal and said:

That’s my football team forever.

Respect.

THEN ZAK MADE THE BAY AREA NEWS

After Sunday’s game, a Bay Area news crew found him at Levi’s Stadium.

And Zak basically explained the Dolphins experience better than any analyst possibly could.

He said he might have to wait another 30 years for a Dolphins playoff win.

His strategy for dealing with this?

Drink as much as possible at Levi’s Stadium.

He suggested the stadium might actually run out of alcohol because of him.

Then came the line.

“I’ll keep it rolling somehow.”

That’s it.

The official unofficial Miami Dolphins motto for the remainder of the 2026 season.

Team merchandise is expected shortly.

THE GOOD NEWS FOR ZAK

The Dolphins are only 0-2.

There are 15 games left.

Anything can happen.

Maybe this is the beginning of an incredible turnaround.

Maybe Miami catches fire.

Maybe Zak gets his playoff win.

Maybe the Dolphins win the Super Bowl.

Anything is possible.

But until then:

He’ll keep it rolling somehow.

The 49ers are 2-0.

Purdy looks outstanding.

The offense looks dangerous.

The defense bent early but didn’t break, then shut the door.

And somewhere in the Bay Area, one lonely Dolphins fan is continuing a 30-year journey that nobody asked him to begin.

Football is back.

And it’s already Jacked Up.