GIANTS, MOVE THE FENCES IN! I JUST SOLVED THE PROBLEM
By Kurtis Rintala
Yesterday almost the entire NL West had the day off.
The Padres were off. The Dodgers were off. The Diamondbacks were off. The Rockies were off.
The Giants?
Nope.
They played.
And somehow they managed to lose again.
So forget everybody else today. This blog is about my Giants and how a franchise goes from winning three World Series in five years to sitting near the bottom of the NL West and looking completely lost.
And more importantly, I have the solution.
MOVE THE FENCES IN!….NOW!
Seriously.
Do it now. Give me 24 hours and some dude’s with sledge hammer and we’ll figure it out.
I LOVE ORACLE PARK, BUT COME ON
Oracle Park is one of the greatest ballparks in baseball.
I love it.
I love McCovey Cove. I love the view. I love the atmosphere. I love Splash Hits.
But it’s ridiculously hard to hit home runs there.
And it’s always been a problem.
The Giants actually moved portions of the fences in before the 2020 season. Center went from 399 feet to 391 and the deepest part of Triples Alley went from an absolutely insane 421 feet to a still pretty insane 415.
MOVE THEM IN MORE!
I don’t know why everybody acts like this is some impossible decision.
We’re not moving Oracle Park to Sacramento.
We’re moving a fence.
Pick it up.
Move it closer.
Put it down.
Done.
WHY WOULD A HOME RUN HITTER WANT TO PLAY HERE?
This has always driven me crazy.
If you’re a great power hitter and you’ve got choices, why would you want to play 81 games in a park where you can absolutely crush a ball and watch it die in the outfield?
I wouldn’t.
And before somebody tells me that’s just my Giants-fan imagination, there has historically been a very real offensive problem at Oracle. In 2019, the year before those fence changes, the Giants averaged just 3.35 runs per game at home compared with 5.02 on the road and finished last in the National League with 63 home runs at home.
So what are we doing here?
Move the fences in.
Attract guys who can hit home runs.
Score more runs.
Make it more exciting for the fans.
PROBLEM SOLVED.
“BUT IT’S BETTER FOR THE PITCHERS!”
I know what’s coming.
“But Kurt, it’s a pitcher’s park.”
Great.
How’s that working for us?
“The Giants should be built around pitching and defense.”
Great.
How’s that working for us?
“We’re a small-ball team.”
HOW’S THAT WORKING FOR US?
That’s the whole mentality that drives me crazy.
We’ve spent years hearing about the smart way to construct a roster and matchups and platoons and all the clever statistical reasons why the Giants don’t need the same kind of lineup everybody else wants.
And where did all that get us?
Near the basement of the NL West.
I’m done.
I have a new statistic.
It’s called:
CAN THE GUY HIT THE BALL INTO THE WATER?
Yes?
Sign him.
No?
Next guy.
LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS FRANCHISE
This is the part that actually makes me mad.
The Giants won the World Series in 2010, 2012 and 2014.
Three times in five years!
Do you realize how hard that is?
That wasn’t 50 years ago. I watched it happen.
We had Buster Posey. Madison Bumgarner. Tim Lincecum. Matt Cain. Pablo Sandoval. Brandon Crawford. Hunter Pence.
Those teams were awesome.
And I’m not saying you can win every year.
Of course you can’t.
I’m not even saying you should win a World Series every decade.
But there is no excuse for what has happened to this franchise.
They’ve gone from the model organization in baseball to a team that feels like it’s constantly trying to explain to its fans why the latest plan is eventually going to work.
Enough with the plans.
Hit the baseball over the fence.
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO APPLY FOR A JOB
Here’s part two of my Giants rebuilding plan.
Make me Assistant to the GM.
Not Assistant GM.
Assistant to the GM.
I’ll be like Jonah Hill sitting next to Brad Pitt in Moneyball, except I’ll be the exact opposite of Jonah Hill.
Everybody else can sit around staring at spreadsheets.
I’ll have one job.
The GM comes in:
“Kurt, we’ve identified a player whose expected weighted on-base…”
Stop.
Can he hit the ball into McCovey Cove?
“Well, that’s not really how our model…”
Can.
He.
Hit.
The.
Ball.
Into.
The.
Water?
“Yes.”
SIGN HIM!
Meeting over.
Next player.
I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID STATS ANYMORE
I know analytics matter, but again, how’s that been working for us. Time for change.
HOME RUNS ARE AWESOME.
You know what Giants fans love?
Splash Hits.
You know what gets people out of their seats?
Splash Hits.
You know what’s better than watching a guy ground into a double play and then hearing about his excellent underlying metrics?
SPLASH HITS.
So that’s my new Giants philosophy.
I don’t care what your WAR is.
I don’t care about your launch-angle-adjusted-expected-whatever.
Show me one thing:
CAN YOU PUT IT IN THE WATER?
AND YES, THE OTHER TEAM GETS THE SAME FENCE
I know.
Somebody is already screaming this at their computer.
“KURT! IF YOU MOVE THE FENCES IN, THE OTHER TEAM GETS TO HIT HOME RUNS TOO!”
I understand that.
Here’s my revolutionary solution:
GET BETTER PLAYERS THAN THEM.
There.
Solved another problem.
You’re welcome.
SAN FRANCISCO, I’M AVAILABLE
So that’s it.
I’m tired of watching this great franchise sit around waiting for the next brilliant plan.
Move the fences in.
Get some home run hitters.
Bring the excitement back.
Give Giants fans more Splash Hits.
And hire me as Assistant to the GM.
I’ll even work cheap.
Well…
We’ll negotiate that part.
But I guarantee you this:
My first meeting is going to be a lot shorter than whatever they’re doing now.
GIANTS: JACKED UP.
ORACLE PARK: UNJACKED.
ORACLE PARK’S FENCES: TOO DAMN FAR AWAY.
SPLASH HITS: EXTREMELY UNJACKED.
KURT AS ASSISTANT TO THE GM: PROBLEM SOLVED.
You’re welcome, San Francisco.
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